Holy Laser Raptors! Leaked ‘Kung Fury: The Movie’ Sizzle Reel is an 80s Acid Trip Featuring Arnie and Fassbender

Hold onto your headbands and prepare for a blast of pure, unadulterated 80s insanity! After years of hushed whispers and hopeful speculation, a 10-minute sizzle reel for the long-awaited Kung Fury: The Movie has leaked onto the internet, and it is every bit as gloriously bonkers as fans could have possibly dreamed. If you thought the original viral short was a wild ride, this footage cranks the neon-soaked, synthwave-fueled madness up to an eleven and then smashes the dial clean off.

For the uninitiated, Kung Fury was a 2015 short film that became an instant cult classic thanks to its loving and hilariously over-the-top homage to 80s action movies, complete with laser dinosaurs, time-traveling kung fu cops, and a healthy dose of self-aware absurdity. Fans have been clamoring for a feature-length sequel ever since.

Directed by the original visionary, David Sandberg, Kung Fury: The Movie was intended to take all the beloved elements of the short and amplify them to cinematic proportions. However, the project hit a snag, languishing in what can only be described as cinematic purgatory for the past five years due to a reported legal fallout with Chinese investors, Creasun Entertainment USA, who allegedly backed out of a significant $10 million investment in 2020.

But like a phoenix rising from the ashes of broken promises, the legend of Kung Fury 2 lives again, thanks to this leaked footage. And let us tell you, it’s an experience. The reel plays out like someone dared the creative team to blend the hyper-violence of Turbo Kid with the meta-humor of Deadpool, all while mainlining a potent cocktail of 80s nostalgia.

Understandably, director David Sandberg expressed his feelings about the leak to Variety, stating,

“This was an internal promo video that was never supposed to be seen by the public. I feel bad because it contains a bunch of plot points and temp VFX. I hope at least people can see the passion that we poured into the movie, the world deserves to see it as it was meant to be seen. This movie has been held hostage for the past 5 years but I promise to keep fighting for it.”

Despite the unfinished VFX, the sheer audacity and comedic brilliance of the footage shine through. We get our first glimpse of Michael Fassbender as Colt Magnum, an FBI renegade sporting an epic mullet and delivering pearls of wisdom on how to make a “justice omelette.” Then, in a moment of pure 80s action movie wish fulfillment, Arnold Schwarzenegger appears as the cigar-chomping, shotgun-toting President of the United States, declaring his intention to “kick some Nazi ass.” Yes, you read that right.

And the insanity doesn’t stop there. The legendary David Hasselhoff even makes an appearance, somehow morphing into a sentient 80s supercar known as the Hoff 9000. Because why not?

The core premise involves the return of the aptly named Kung Fury (Sandberg), leading an eclectic team of crime-fighters known as the Thundercops. This bizarre squad includes humans, dinosaurs, and even half-human-half-dinosaur hybrids, all dedicated to cleaning up the mean streets of Miami in 1985. Their mission, however, takes a decidedly left turn when they have to face off against “the worst criminal of all time” – none other than Adolf Hitler.

While the official release of Kung Fury: The Movie remains uncertain due to its production woes, this leaked sizzle reel serves as a potent reminder of the unhinged brilliance that awaits. It’s a testament to the passion and creativity poured into this project, and it has undoubtedly reignited the fervent desire of fans worldwide to see this cinematic fever dream finally come to fruition.

So, buckle up, grab your laser disc player, and maybe even throw on some synthwave. If this leaked footage is anything to go by, we’re in for a wild ride. Let us know in the comments if you’re ready to ride a laser raptor into battle alongside Fassbender and Schwarzenegger. In a world that often takes itself too seriously, the unadulterated absurdity of Kung Fury: The Movie feels like exactly what we need right now.